rattana-khaniyomdee

Love Isn’t Enough: Why Dogs Need Leadership and Structure

Sat, 10 Oct 2026 17:54:29 GMT

Are you showing your dog love in the way they actually need it — or only in the way that feels loving to you?

If you're a parent, you've probably thought a lot about striking a balance between being your child's friend and being the adult responsible for their safety and overall wellbeing.

How lenient can you be while still maintaining boundaries? How much structure does your child need without suppressing their personality? When do they need reassurance and empathy, and when do they need encouragement to push through something difficult?

Raising a child and raising a dog are obviously not the same thing.

But there is one important parallel: when you choose to bring another living being into your home, you become responsible for much more than making them happy in the moment.

You are responsible for their safety, their wellbeing, their development and, in the case of your dog, helping them learn how to function successfully in a very human world.

And sometimes that means saying no.

Sometimes it means creating boundaries.

Sometimes it means asking your dog to do something they would rather not do.

That does not make you less loving.

Very often, it is part of loving them well.

Fulfilled First, Then Fun

You may have heard the familiar framework from Cesar Milan: Mind. Body Heart.

Or in other words:

Exercise, discipline and affection .

Dogs need all three (in that order).

Most domesticated dogs were developed alongside humans for thousands of years, and many breeds were selectively bred to perform physically and mentally demanding jobs. Herding, retrieving, guarding, hunting, tracking, pulling, and controlling livestock. These dogs were not designed simply to lie on the sofa for twenty-three hours and then walk around the block.

Physical exercise matters.

But trying to fulfil a dog through exercise alone can create another problem: the more physically conditioned the dog becomes, the more exercise they may eventually require.

You can accidentally build an athlete.

This is where mental work becomes so valuable.

Impulse control, problem-solving, obedience, scent work, structured walks, waiting calmly, holding a position, learning when to switch off... these activities require a dog to engage their brain rather than simply burn energy.

And then, of course, there is affection.

For one dog, affection may mean climbing into your lap for a cuddle.

For another, it may mean lying beside your feet while you work.

Another may prefer a game of tug, a chew, a swim or simply being included in whatever you're doing.

You know your dog best.

But affection works best as one part of a fulfilled life , not as a replacement for everything else.

Why Leadership and Guidance Matter

Leadership does not mean intimidating your dog, dominating them or trying to prove that you're tougher.

It means accepting responsibility for making decisions your dog cannot reasonably be expected to make alone.

Your dog does not understand traffic laws.

They may not know whether the approaching dog is friendly.

They cannot assess whether eating something they found beside the road will result in an emergency visit to the vet.

They do not understand why jumping enthusiastically onto a frightened child might be a problem.

That is where you come in.

Your job is to provide information your dog can understand:

Yes, you can do this.
No, you cannot do that.
Come with me.
Leave that alone.
Wait here.
You don't need to handle this situation — I've got it.

Those boundaries create predictability.

And predictability creates security.

A dog who understands what is expected does not have to constantly experiment to discover where the limits are.

Love Without Boundaries Can Become Confusing

Sometimes we avoid setting boundaries because we feel guilty.

We don't want the dog to feel sad.

We don't want them to be disappointed.

We don't like hearing them whine.

We feel mean asking them to leave the sofa, sleep separately, wait before going through the door or stop demanding attention.

But dogs learn from what works.

If whining opens the crate, whining worked.

If pawing makes your hand start stroking them, pawing worked.

If pulling gets them to the interesting smell faster, pulling worked.

Nobody has deliberately taught the dog to be demanding.

The dog has simply been paying attention.

And dogs are very good at that.

Structure helps make the picture clearer.

Structure Is Not the Opposite of Freedom

In fact, structure often creates more freedom.

A dog with reliable recall can safely enjoy more off-leash opportunities.

A dog who can settle calmly can come to more cafés, restaurants or social outings.

A dog who walks politely on leash gets taken on more walks.

A dog who can control themselves around other animals gets invited into more environments.

The skills we sometimes think of as restrictive are often the very skills that allow dogs to participate more fully in our lives.

That is the goal.

Not control for the sake of control.

Communication for the sake of freedom.

The Balance Matters

Of course, life with dogs should be fun.

Cuddle them. Play with them. Let them sleep upside-down on the sofa if that's what works in your household.

Buy them ridiculous birthday cakes. Talk to them in embarrassing voices. Love them enormously.

But also teach them how to navigate the world.

Give them outlets for their natural drives. Give them boundaries they can understand. Follow through when you ask for something.

Help them develop frustration tolerance, confidence and self-control.

Because love is essential.

But love without guidance can leave a dog confused, underfulfilled or unable to cope when the world does not give them exactly what they want.

Your dog does not need you to be their dictator.

And they don't need you to be their servant.

They need you to be someone they can trust to guide them.

That, too, is love.

What Dog Training Can - and Can’t - Change

Wed, 07 Oct 2026 10:19:58 GMT

Not every dog behaviour is a training problem.

Every dog benefits from training.

Training gives you and your dog a shared language. It teaches your dog what different cues mean, gives you a clearer way to communicate expectations, and helps turn useful behaviours into habits through repetition and consistency.

But not every problem needs training as a solution.

Sometimes what looks like a training issue is actually a management problem. Sometimes it is a lifestyle problem. Sometimes the environment is continually reinforcing the behaviour. And sometimes what you want simply isn’t realistic for the individual dog in front of you.

Understanding the difference can save a lot of frustration — for both ends of the leash.

What Training Can Teach

Training is very good at teaching skills. A dog can learn to walk beside you instead of dragging you down the road. They can learn to come when called, settle on a bed, wait at a doorway, greet people more calmly, and understand boundaries.

More importantly, training improves communication.

Your dog already spends a lifetime studying you.

You know all those times you're just going about the house doing your thing, and your dog lies down in a convenient position watching you?

Fido is learning your tone, body language, routines, what you allow and which rules you actually follow through on.

Training can help you become more aware of your signals and how your dog interprets them, so that you can be more intentional and communicate more clearly and consistently.

My job as a trainer is not simply to teach your dog a collection of commands. It is to coach you so that you understand how to communicate effectively with your dog when I am not standing beside you. The progress that lasts is built during the many hours your dog spends with you, not just the few hours they spend with a trainer.

Training is powerful. It isn’t magic.

There are some things training can influence without being able to erase.

Genetics are one example.

Training can give natural drives direction and control, but it cannot remove the traits a dog was bred with. A dog with a strong prey drive may become far more manageable around triggers, through repeated conditioning, but training does not magically turn that dog into one with no interest in chasing.

The same applies to relationships between animals.

We can teach boundaries. We can create structure. We can work towards neutrality and safer coexistence.

But we cannot make two dogs love each other.

We cannot guarantee that a dog and a cat will become friends simply because you want them to.

We can facilitate coexistence through thoughtful management and training; we cannot force compatibility.

Sometimes accepting who the dog actually is becomes part of the solution.

Sometimes the answer is management.

Imagine your dog jumps into the swimming pool every chance they get, but you don’t want them swimming unsupervised.

Could you spend months trying to create an incredibly reliable boundary around the pool? Possibly.

But restricting unsupervised access may be the far more sensible solution.

That isn’t failing to train the dog. That is good management.
Why rely on sheer willpower when you can set up systems and routines to make success easier?

Or imagine your dog spends several hours every day loose in the garden, barking at every person, dog and motorbike that passes.

If that behaviour is being rehearsed hundreds of times every week, one training session is unlikely to undo it while the environment continues to provide unlimited practice.

The first step may be to change the environment and reduce the opportunity to rehearse the behaviour. Then, training can teach an alternative.

By contrast, a dog that simply never learnt how to respond to leash pressure and pulls its owner everywhere has a much clearer training problem: there is a skill missing, and we can teach it.

Sometimes the dog needs something other than training.

Behaviour can also be a symptom of the life the dog is living.

A dog that is chronically under-exercised, under-stimulated or lacking an appropriate outlet may not need another obedience command. They may need more fulfilment.

A working breed with no meaningful work may need somewhere appropriate to channel its drives.

A dog whose behaviour suddenly changes may need a veterinary assessment before they need a trainer.

And occasionally there is a mismatch between the dog you own and the lifestyle you realistically have available.

For instance, if you live with several dogs but don’t have enough time to build individual relationships, meet each dog’s needs separately and provide clear structure, behaviour can start to compound. Dogs may copy one another, compete for resources, develop tension, or behave very differently as a group than they do individually.

Training can help enormously, but it does require time and effort from the parties directly involved (you and your dog) and the goal has to fit the dog as well as the life you actually live.

So, Can I Help You?

Let's find out.
During a consultation, I get to hear your concerns and observe your dog’s side of the story.

Then we look at the goal alongside the dog’s breed characteristics, natural inclinations, previous learning, environment and individual character.

Sometimes the goal is perfectly realistic.

Sometimes we can reach it, but there are foundation skills that need to come first.

Sometimes the best solution is a combination of training, management and lifestyle changes.

And occasionally the most useful thing I can tell someone is: "I don’t think training is the solution to this particular problem."

Good dog training should not be about finding a way to sell training for every problem. It should be about understanding the dog in front of us, understanding the life you want to share with your dog, and working out what genuinely needs to change.

Because sometimes the answer is training. Sometimes it’s management. Sometimes it’s lifestyle.

And very often, it’s a little bit of all three.

As the saying goes "Nothing changes if nothing changes."
So if you want something to change, be prepared to change something too.

Why Your Dog Listens to One Person but Not the Other(s)

Tue, 08 Sep 2026 17:54:29 GMT

Why Your Dog Listens to One Person but Not the Other(s)

(And How Consistency Fixes It)

Many dog owners come to me feeling frustrated or unsure because their dog appears to behave inconsistently.

He listens sometimes, but not others.
She behaves perfectly with one person, but completely ignores another.
One partner says, “She does this all the time,” while the other insists, “No, she never does that with me.”

What’s important to understand is this:

Both people are usually telling the truth.

First, Let's Understand Your Dog's Perspective

If your dog is listening to at least one person, then defiance is not a rigid personality trait; it's probably just a behaviour your dog has learnt works for them.
Each person brings a different energy, clarity, and set of boundaries into the interaction. Over time, your dog learns exactly what he can and can’t get away with, and with whom! It’s no different from how children quickly learn which parent to ask for what. Like us, dogs are opportunists!

When expectations are aligned, those differences disappear. When they aren’t, your intelligent dog learns the loopholes.
After all, studying you is Brownie's full-time job.

Why Consistency Matters to Dogs (More Than We Realise)

Animals don’t live in grey areas the way humans do. They don’t need to be diplomatic, emotionally accommodating, or flexible to “keep the peace.”
For dogs, internal and external peace comes from clarity, boundaries, consistency, and predictability. (For us too, if truth be told...)

Humans, however, are very flexible with rules, especially when it comes to our pets.

Maybe one person doesn’t allow the dog on the sofa, while another sneaks them up for cuddles when no one’s watching.
Maybe one partner doesn’t tolerate jumping up, while the other rewards it with attention.
Maybe walks with one person are structured and consistently paced, while walks with the other are a wild adventure led by the dog.

To a dog, these aren’t “different styles.” They’re different rule books.
Before you know it, one partner is innocently playing good cop, while the other defaults to being bad cop.

How Does Inconsistency Creep In?

What’s even more confusing for dogs is when the same person has different rules depending on mood, energy level, or time of day.

Maybe the dog is usually not allowed on the furniture, except... when they look extra cute or have just been freshly groomed.
Maybe they shouldn’t be on your lap while you're driving, but... sometimes you give in.
Maybe your dog isn't supposed to chew on socks and shoes, unless... they've got holes in them and need to be discarded.

Most of the time, that inconsistency isn’t intentional. It’s just the path of least resistance.

You don’t reinforce leash manners or house rules because you’re tired, busy, or don’t want to deal with the pushback you know will come.

A Simple Real-World Comparison

Think about traffic laws in Thailand.

Wearing a helmet is mandatory, but how often is it actually enforced? Maybe at peak times, during holidays, or when police presence is particularly visible?

Most people take the risk because nine times out of ten, they get away with it.

Dogs learn rules the same way.

If a behaviour is always shut down, it eventually disappears.
If it’s sometimes allowed, it’s always worth trying.

Common Myth: “My Dog Already Knows This” - Or Do They?

One of the most misleading assumptions I hear is:

“My dog already knows this.”

And I understand why it’s frustrating, especially when your dog listens beautifully at home, but suddenly ignores you around guests, distractions, or in front of your trainer.

My rule of thumb is simple:

If your dog truly understood the behaviour in that context, they would do it. Most dogs want to get it right.

If they aren’t, it’s not necessarily defiance. It’s more likely confusion, excitement, stress, or a lack of clarity in that situation .
Given that they’re an entirely different species, adjusting to our world and our home, they deserve the benefit of the doubt .

Case Study

I once worked with a family whose dog was beautifully obedient, but only with one person.

The father had a calm, confident presence, and the dog responded instantly to him.
With the rest of the family, she pushed boundaries constantly.

The issue wasn’t intelligence or respect. It was inconsistency.

Because Dad relied on his presence rather than a shared training system, the dog experienced different communication styles within the same household.

Once everyone, including the father, committed to using the same cues, tools, and structure, the dog’s behaviour became predictable and manageable for everyone.

Some people naturally have a more commanding energy, and dogs often respond beautifully to that because it feels safe and clear.

But when you have a family dog, systems and structure matter more than personality.

Without them, one person ends up carrying the responsibility (as well as the frustration) alone.

What Consistency Actually Means (And What It Doesn’t)

In my experience, this is the moment where I usually lose some of my listeners and clients. Everyone likes the psychoanalysis and theories.
But the moment I say, "You need to have rules, be consistent, follow through and hold your dog accountable," people decide this method is not for them. They're sure there must be another way.
But I want to tell you with all the kindness and honesty I can muster…
Saying there is another way to change your dog's behaviour besides doing the work is like saying "I'd rather do the 7 day juice cleanse or crash diet than consistently eat clean, nutritious whole foods and cultivate a habit of movement to stay fit."

I love a good shortcut or hack as much as the next person, but our dogs deserve better, no?

Consistency is often misunderstood too. It doesn’t mean removing joy or personality.

True consistency simply means:

Clear expectations
Predictable responses
Coordinated communication between humans

Many people think freedom is what their dog wants most.

In reality, dogs want to feel:

Safe
Understood
Fulfilled
Like they belong

Leadership and consistency provide all of that - and they’re often a greater form of love than affection alone.

You may have heard the saying "Love is a verb."

It's not just a passive feeling, but a choice to act in ways that show love through what actually benefits your dog.

So How to Reduce Confusion for Your Dog?

If your dog’s behaviour feels unpredictable, start here:

Decide what you want your dog to do instead of the behaviours that are bothering you.
Align rules among everyone involved.
Use the same cues and methods.
Decide what is always allowed and what is never allowed.
Be consistent even when it’s inconvenient.

Small changes in human behaviour often create the biggest shifts in dog behaviour.

Final Thoughts

Dogs don’t need every person in the household to be perfect. They need everyone to be predictable.

When communication is clear and consistent, dogs relax. Behaviour stabilises.
Daily life feels easier, not because the dog has been “fixed,” but because the system around them finally makes sense.

This is why I often recommend that both partners be present during assessments and training.

Alignment doesn’t just improve training outcomes; it changes how it feels to live with your dog.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure why things work for one person but not another, I hope this post has helped shed some light on why.

Why Walks Matter: A Dog Trainer in Phuket Explains Your Dog’s Real Exercise Needs

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 17:54:29 GMT

Are daily walks really essential for your dog’s behaviour and wellbeing? A dog trainer in Phuket explains why they matter more than you think.

Dogs in Nature

Think about indigenous dogs and wild dogs in nature — how do they earn their food?

Dogs naturally hunt and forage. When they wake up, they scan their environment for any changes that may have happened while they were asleep, so they are aware and prepared for what to expect. Then they relieve themselves. Once they have oriented themselves and feel safe, they begin to look for food.

In nature, there are no aisles of kibble just waiting to be scooped into a bowl. Dogs often have to track and hunt for some time before they find something suitable and sufficient. When they finally eat, they have worked for it. This is mentally and physically stimulating, and afterwards, they rest and recover from the morning’s efforts. This process is repeated every day of their lives.

Same Dogs on Different Routines

Dog owners often tell me that their dog doesn’t usually eat in the morning, so they leave food out all day so the dog eats whenever (s)he feels like it. When those same dogs come to stay with me, they start their day with an appropriately long walk — and suddenly they have an appetite in the morning. That tells me it’s less about the time of day and more about fulfilment and purpose.

Of course, there are exceptions. My own dog refuses to eat without a walk or swim (treats do not fall into the same category). He's a golden retriever - often known for having quite the appetite. I also know dogs who will eat at any time of day, whether they have already eaten or exercised doesn't make a difference to them. Generally speaking, however, purpose plays a huge role in appetite and overall well-being.

Purpose or 'Job'

You may have heard trainers, behaviour specialists or other dog professionals talk about giving your dog a job.

Dogs don’t need to earn money to provide for a family. Their role is to secure food, shelter, and safety. So one of the biggest reasons walks are so important is that they give dogs a natural sense of purpose.

When dogs don’t have a healthy outlet for their energy, nor have a sense of connection to their surroundings, nor a use of their natural instincts and abilities, they tend to find their own “job” — whether that’s barking to protect the house, digging in the garden as if there were hidden treasure, or constantly demanding games of fetch.

Surrounding Awareness

Another natural behaviour for dogs is to check their environment first thing in the morning. Walking allows dogs to gather information about their neighbourhood, notice changes, and feel oriented and prepared for the day.

Movement is Medicine

Before dogs were invited into our homes as pets, they were bred to work alongside humans: flushing and retrieving game, herding sheep and cattle, guarding property, pulling loads, tracking, and hunting. These dogs were bred for stamina, strength, and problem-solving.

When you consider that, it becomes easier to understand why simply having free access to a garden — no matter how large — is not enough. As comfortable as our homes may be, they are not a dog’s natural habitat. Dogs are meant to move through space, explore, and engage with the world around them. Limiting them to the same few walls and the same patch of grass restricts their ability to use their bodies and minds to their full potential.

It also gives them the chance to immerse themselves in nature, breathe fresh air, and engage their senses — something all living beings benefit from.

And just as our own health has suffered from sedentary lifestyles and long hours indoors, the same applies to our dogs. Therefore, even before the existential benefits, daily movement plays a major role in keeping dogs physically healthy.

A Suggested Daily Routine

Does this mean you must religiously walk your dog twice a day?

Not necessarily. I like to apply moderation and the 80/20 rule to most areas of self-improvement. If, most days, your dog gets either two walks or one longer walk plus other activities that tap into natural behaviours — such as tug, fetch, scent work, running, swimming, or training — you are on a very good path.

On days when you’re exhausted, give yourself some grace. Play in the garden, practise a few training drills, or teach a new trick. Mental stimulation can be just as valuable as physical exercise.

On days when you have a bit more energy, but still don't feel up for a long walk, head to a park or open space. Use a 5–10 metre long line and allow your dog to explore more freely while still staying safe and under control. (Don't let your dog run up to other people and dogs uninvited- no matter how tiny, friendly or harmless! Don't be that person. Please?)

And when life truly gets busy, consider support — whether that’s a dog walker, a safe and structured daycare, or one of my enrichment programmes and field trips designed to meet yours and your dog’s needs. (Get in touch to learn more).

On the rare days when none of these are possible, short-term mental enrichment tools like puzzle toys, lick mats, and Kongs can help bridge the gap — but they should be seen as support, not a replacement for real-world experiences.

Reflection

While this article has presented you with a range of benefits afforded by walks with your dog, we have barely scratched the surface. Walks are crucial in bonding (dog-human or dog-dog), fostering a pack mentality and offer an array of advantages from a training standpoint.

I will leave you with this thought... Having a dog is not only about what they bring into our lives, but also about the life we are creating for them.

When we begin to see walks as more than a daily chore — and instead as a vital part of our dog’s emotional, physical, and instinctual wellbeing — we shift from simply owning a dog to truly sharing a life with one.